i don't use blogspot anymore. not because i'm over it. because i'm not good at it. i do have a tumblr though:
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
i dreamt last night that i was being attacked by two young children with knives. the little boy was maybe 6 and he was incredibly wild and hungry for my blood. his older sister, maybe 10 years old, was initially on my side but then she quickly turned on me and was trying to get me with 3 knives at a time. i tried pushing them off of me but i quickly resorting to hitting them in the face with frying pans but nothing worked! they kept revitalizing their strength in order to kill me. needless to say, i woke up in a cold sweat and i currently have a bad headache.
if this is a result of working at an elementary school office, i can't imagine what teachers dream of.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
before i forget:
i was at a maverick gas station in slc around 3:00 a.m. sunday morning and apparently there had been a massive brawl outside while i was buying my gummies and pretzels (i love my snacks) and i missed the whole thing.
as i was driving away, a cop car came up behind me and flashed their lights. i was nervous but more confused because i hadn't been speeding. as i put my turn signal on to pull over, the traffic light turned yellow, i yielded and another cop car came up behind me. as i waited for the light to change, i saw in my side view mirror two cops running up to my car and kimball saying 'what the fuck!' i hit him so he wouldn't aggravate the situation more and i heard one cop yell 'hands out of the car, hands out of the car!!!' i put my hands out of the car and i was greeted by one anxious cop and his GUN TO MY FACE. he asked what we were up to and i said we were just getting snacks at the maverick. as soon as i finished talking about my gummies, he opened the back seat to see who was inside. another cop,with his gun out as well, yelled out 'it's not them, let's go!' as soon as they left and i began to pull away, it hit me that i had just had a gun pointed at me and got a little lightheaded from the fright.
is that even legal? can i cop be that quick to pull out his firearm and open my car doors? that's ridiculous.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
i should be making a list of students that plan on returning to the school, being the registrar and all, but moments of calmness like this are few and far between. i've been catching up with friends' blogs and am listening to the pixies on last.fm.
this past wednesday night was our school's pride night and i came in to help out with setting the event up. kimball was nice enough to come along and got to work in pulling out weeds and filling up jugs with water.
it's been a difficult adjustment to work in this office. yes, it was hard getting along with co-workers in the beginning but ultimately, it was hard to not work with what i studied in college. i studied psychology with an emphasis on clinical work and counseling.
i interact with parents and students all day, everyday but it's not how i'd like it to be. there are boundaries. questions i am not allowed to ask. restrictions on the amount of assistance i am more naturally inclined to offer. i have noticed that i envy the dcfs workers that come in to speak to the same children i am wanting to investigate and help.
after not getting in to the one program i applied to this year, i have become frantic in trying to figure out what to do next with my life. i refuse to turn 30 in this office. i miss studying and i miss academia. i won't be very busy this summer here in the office and i am hoping to study for the gre and apply to msw programs and hopefully be back in school by january. i know i shouldn't be affected by others' opinions of me but i can't help but hear michael's voice saying 'davey, you need to figure out a career for yourself already. you're getting old.'
i don't think he was intentionally being harsh but how can i not feel self-conscious with what i'm doing with my life when i hear something like that? i've spoken with my parents about my concerns and they've been extremely supportive but they are beginning to be aggressively adamant in telling me that i need to go back to florida so that i can live at home and go to school in tampa. i think i would die. things have changed so much for me that i think they would probably die as well. however, i do think there is a part of me that feels incomplete by not having my family nearby. i'm not so melodramatic and i haven't faced complete devastation yet in life but sometimes i find myself feeling like marisa paredes' character in 'the flower of my secret' when she faces disappointment after disappointment. in the end, she returns to her mother to regain her strength before returning to the lone and dreary world. i think i need that right now. i need to see my family and have them love me in ways only they can love me.
i do, however, realize that life isn't as hard for me as it is for most people. and i am grateful to be surrounded by goodness. that 'goodness' is specifically comprised of people and the relationships that i have established here in utah.
i really need to reread martin seligman's 'authentic happiness' and get a better grasp on what is happiness to me. it's good to be reminded every now and again of what makes one a more satisfied person.